Tag: Nigerian Jokes

Nigeria Joke: Terrible accident

December 29, 2016 | By | Add a Comment

An accident occurred today. 11 persons were injured and 12 died. So the Minister of Health promised to offer N5,000 to the injured and N6million to the dead for their funeral. All of the sudden, one of the injured got up and moved towards where the dead people were. Immediately, one of the dead people […]

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Nigeria Joke: No Fuel

January 11, 2016 | By | Add a Comment

UCHE: Mommy, can I go to Chidera’s house? MOMMY: No! UCHE: Why? MOMMY: No fuel. UCHE: Ahn ahn! I’m using my legs. MOMMY: If you get missing, is it not a car we are going to use to find you?

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Akpos’ GCE Exams questions

January 11, 2016 | By | 1 Comment

GCE MATHEMATICS EXAM PAPER Time: 2Hrs 30MINS INSTRUCTIONS: ATTEMPT ALL QUESTIONS. ALL QUESTIONS CARRY EQUAL MARKS. You have dated a girl for 2 years, eventually she drops you for another guy. Calculate the percentage of time wasted. (20 marks) You bought a phone for your girlfriend and she gave it to another guy. Using trigonometric […]

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Funny Joke: Touch and follow

September 22, 2015 | By | 1 Comment

I fell in love with a girl called Amanda, but don’t have the guts to ask her out. So I went to see a native doctor popularly called “Baba”. All he demanded from me was 1-month internet data subscription money which I paid and he gave me a ring called ‘Touch and Follow’. He said, […]

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Nigeria Joke: Who killed Abel

July 1, 2015 | By | 2 Comments

I went to the police station to certify my document. On arrival, I met one of the policemen reading the bible, specifically Genesis, I was so impressed so I asked him, “Officer, who killed Abel, Adam’s son?” He raised his head, looked at my face with dismay and said, “I don’t know, ask Sgt Asare, […]

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Nigeria Joke: Man wanted

June 29, 2015 | By | Add a Comment

It is only in Nigeria where you’ll see a notice board that says, “Job Vacancy: Man wanted with 40 years experience of work. He must be less than 25 years of age.”

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Nigeria Joke: Your Money

June 3, 2015 | By | Add a Comment

Late one night, a thief wearing a mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. “Give me your money,” he demanded. Stubborn, the rich man replied, “You can’t do this! I’m a Nigerian Senator!” “In that case,” replied the thief, “give me MY money!”

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Funny Joke: Celebration

May 10, 2015 | By | 1 Comment

Husband takes the wife to a night party. There’s a guy on the dance floor dancing happily – breakdancing, moonwalking, back flips, doing shoki. The wife turns to her husband and says, “See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.” Husband says, “Looks like he’s still celebrating!!”

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Akpos Joke: Cemetary

February 19, 2015 | By | Add a Comment

Akpos recently shared the following views at a public forum: When Nigerian politicians loot public funds/money from Nigeria, they keep it in Switzerland. When sick, they go to Germany or India. When investing, they go to America. When buying Mansions, they visit London. When shopping they go to Dubai. When on holidays, they visit Paris […]

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‘Wise’ sayings from Akpos

February 17, 2015 | By | Add a Comment

Only a courageous woman can fry a bunch of plantain without tasting any Albert Macauley (1872) He who says nothing lasts forever has never tried Hausa perfume Nelson Mandela (1973) He who completely unwraps banana and Ga kenkey before eating cannot keep a secret Abraham Lincoln (1864) Any man that uses his teeth to cut […]

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Nigeria Joke: Argument

February 10, 2015 | By | 1 Comment

Wikipedia : I know everything. Google : I have everything. Facebook : I know everybody. Internet : Without me, you are all nothing. NEPA: Keep talking …we shall see.

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Nigeria Joke: Three Politicians

November 27, 2014 | By | Add a Comment

Three prominent politicians in Nigeria boarded the same flight to from Abuja to Lagos. The first Politician started, “I can throw one N1000 note down and make one person laugh.” “I can make two persons laugh with just two N500 notes.” the second politician replied. The third politician retorted, “With just five pieces of N200 […]

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Nigerian Churches in 2030

November 10, 2014 | By | Add a Comment

Below is how Nigerian Churches will become in 2030: PASTOR: Praise the Lord. CONGREGATION: Halleluyah! PASTOR: Can we please turn our iPads and Kindle Bibles to Exodus 20:1. When you’re done, kindly switch on your Bluetooth to receive the sermon… Please have your debit cards ready as we shall now collect tithes and offering. You […]

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Akpos Joke: Pregnant Maid

September 9, 2014 | By | 1 Comment

The following conversation ensued between Akpos and his wife: Wife: Our maid is pregnant….Akpos: That’s her problemWife: Neighbours are talking…Akpos: That’s their problem..Wife: I’m worriedAkpos: That’s your problemWife: They say it’s yoursAkpos: That’s my problem..!!!

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Akpos Joke: Midnight

June 1, 2014 | By | 1 Comment

Akpos get home at midnight and knocks the door: Wife: Go back to where you are coming from! Akpos: Open the door or I will throw myself into the swimming pool! Wife: Go ahead and kill yourself, do you think I care? **So Akpos stands near the dark part of the gate and waits for 2 […]

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Akpos Joke: Our Problem

May 25, 2014 | By | 3 Comments

Akpos comes back from work. As he enters the sitting room, his wife asked: Wife: Darling! Why are you looking so sad? Akpos: Sweetheart, I have a problem at my office. Wife: Don’t say you have a problem. You should say we have a problem because we are now married. Your problem is also my problem. […]

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Akpos Joke: Bank robbery

May 25, 2014 | By | 1 Comment

  Akpos went to rob a city bank. “Everybody down!” Akpos shouted.   Everyone laid flat on the ground. “Where is the bank manager?”   He asked. A young, scared man stood up and said, “Here I am.”   Akpos: Open the safe and bring out all d money.   MANAGER: (stammering) No,I can’t sir. […]

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